Audacious Courage
(Originally published April 3rd, 2023)
“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
- Audre Lorde
Since becoming aware of the quote, I have been piqued by the paradox that exists between courage and fear.
That to be courageous, the very nature of courage, is to do quite actually something that frightens one.
You see, that quote by the late Audre Lorde is both reassuring, soul stirring, and empowering.
That even if I am afraid, especially when I am afraid, that it does not have to overpower me, nor inhibit my ability to utilize my strength and to be powerful.
That I can speak to fear and say: yeah, you may try to start talking your stuff and may even attempt to accompany me along this journey— but you will not hinder me.
In fact, I am actually going to do the very thing, you are telling me is impossible, improbable, and inconceivable.
And you know?
That takes audacity.
Well, I would actually declare that it requires Audacious Courage. And I just did not perceive how so until recently.
Since this year began, I have been on a journey of both seeking deeper intimacy with God and nourishing the depths of my whole being. And the journey has been unveiling the Sovereignty of God, the intricacies and divinity of His thoughts, plans and purpose. And the journey has also been revealing the version of me He has known all along—the one He knitted together when I was formed in that secret place.
Moreover, this season of my life has also been very peculiar and filled with many, many complexities; and I have undergone a myriad of emotions, experiences, and transitions.
And through it all: I have been hopeful, angry, anxious, peaceful, tearful, undisturbed, grateful, uncertain, joyful, reassured, fatigued, motivated, invigorated, intrigued, disinterested, uncomfortable, and admittedly, so very afraid.
Afraid that I am going in the wrong direction.
Afraid that being hopeful will result in disappointment.
Afraid that when I speak and write my words will not make sense.
Afraid that being my authentic self will make others uncomfortable.
Afraid that my boundaries are too selfish and inconsiderate.
Afraid that being vulnerable and soft will cause me betrayal and heartbreak.
Afraid that I did not hear God right and walked away from situations too soon.
But then I considered that, just maybe I was misperceiving that to be fearful is to also not be courageous.
And as I mentioned earlier, that to be courageous, the very nature of it, is to actually do something that frightens one.
And you know?
If I was really allowing fear to impede and burden me,
If I was really afraid of the uncertainty,
If I was really fearful of the thoughts and opinions of others,
If I was really anxious about experiencing suffering and failure,
Then I would not even have the courage, nor the audacity, nor the hope and faith to put forth strength towards that which is enticing, calling, and pulling me.
But because I do have the courage, audacity, the hope, and the faith, it torments me to attempt to remain silent and attempt to ignore that which has been softy whispered to my soul.
*Okayyyy, torment is a bit much. But you understand the message I am trying to convey.
Let us attempt to find another word…
Encourage maybe?
Yeah, encourage is better.
You see, this audacious courage encourages me to not settle for the path of least resistance. Encourages me to hope without regard for fear or disappointment. Encourages me to continue to speak this “elegant, country grammar” loudly, unabashedly, and unashamedly. Torments me to simply be me—without apology nor over explanation. Encourages me to uphold my boundaries and not cower to people pleasing, forsaking myself and self-neglect. Encourages me to be vulnerable, trustful, loving, and open to receiving and giving love.
And it encourages me to trust the presence of God and His voice leading me.
And although fear and courage can co-exist, my heart actually does not have to fear.
Because He is for me. More than I am for me.
And it encourages me to remember the girl who fearlessly, bravely, and boldly believed that not even the sky was the limit to what she and her God could do together.
And, oh lovely one,
This is my hope for you:
That with audacious courage you would yield in surrender to Him who sees you, loves you and calls you beloved.
Him, who is in love with you, who watches over you and pursues after you.
Him who plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Him who empowers you to speak to fear and proclaim with audacious courage: yeah, you may try to start talking your stuff and may even attempt to accompany me along this journey— but you will not hinder me.
“Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident.” - Psalm 27:3
